June 3, 2014

About Fantasize

It is beautiful outside. 7pm, sunny and warm, breezy… I’m on my back deck taking it all in, thinking about Fantasize. Most of the record was written while it rained. Late nights and cold walks, tea or a drink by the fire, all in the beautiful Northwest. It is crazy to think that is has been over a year since we recorded Fantasize, so It’s been even longer since these songs were written. What I love about a record is that it captures everything that we were going through at the time it was written. Every thought and feeling, so nostalgic.

When people ask me what Fantasize is about, I tend to pause. I could give them a simple answer or I could just talk forever. Fantasize wasn’t about one thing; it was the culmination of a million moments that brought me to a point of realization… “The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.” Which seems to bring me back to those million moments; how those moments continue and continue, slowly creating the person that I am today, that you are today. Always growing, always thinking, a non-stop machine. I am blown away by the fact that there is so much to know. The world: so full of opportunities, always blooming.

I grew up in a world thinking, “Man I can’t wait for the moment I figure it all out,” and that thought slowly sucked the life out of me. I lived to find that moment, but its intangibility had me reaching over and over and over again, feeling like I wasn’t heading anywhere… “Where am I going in my life? When will I get there?” These thoughts occupied my mind, hung out with me, haunted me, creating a dark cloud over my head.. Consuming every beautiful thought… And it still does very often.

The Idea of peace is a big deal to me. So intriguing… The thought of living and feeling light in heavy’s stead is among my greatest wishes. And I think everyone else’s.

With all that we know and experience is there really a way to live in perfect, harmony with oneself and everything else?
Is that what it’s all about? Finding happiness, consistently? Is that what we’re here looking for?

It’s kinda hard living in a world were a lot of us try to make things look so perfect in a world that’s not. Like at all. Convincing you and I that we’re probably screwed, not happy, and something may be wrong with us. In this society people don’t often talk about our problems anymore. We tuck them away and cover them with other things. We’ve become so adept that we can even hide things from ourselves. We’ve lost the guts to face the things that are weighing us down. (Honest Affection)

I am in a place in my life where I want to challenge myself with grown up questions (sounds stupid I know) I am going on 25 and the more my days are passing, the more I hunger and thirst for realness and passion, for honesty and love in its purest form. Just that.

Even if it jeopardizes the things that I thought were right for so long. It’s all worth the risk for me.

For so long I thought my career as a musician was about a message I needed to tell and to relay, but I’m coming to find it’s just a mirroring reflection of the things I’m feeling and experiencing. And it should be that way. My job is to live and feel and experience, which leads me to react, and that reaction is art. And then it’s there, it finds you. It may speak to some and it may speak to no one.

I’m okay with that. My job is to live and be a person. I will live and grow and think for myself because I deserve that: just like everyone else deserves that.

Fantasize was the beginning of this process for me. The things I’m so blessed to know just a little bit of. Fantasize is about the tidbits and the moments I took the time to hear among my thoughts… the clearing of my mind… seeing what I really want… finding clarity in little moments. To me, those moments give enough hope and encouragement to always discover and to continue learning that the best part of life is the journey.

“Freedom is truly knowing no matter what, you are loved.”

~ Olga_Kye Kye

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